Kaitlyn "Kailee" Ann Larsen Hedberg

My sweet second daughter was Born March 14, 1998, I don't know how to put into words her life and how deeply she affected me and who I am. I am going to try.....I have expressed to several people that I feel unless you knew my Kailee, you can't completely know me. I hope through this post and pictures that you can get to know my Kailee. She was such a sweet baby, never cried and always just laughing and smiling right from the beginning. She and Cass were very close, they are 2 years and 2 days apart, from when Kailee was a few months Cassi and I would sing I am a child of God to her at night as we put her in bed. I loved how Kailee would come into my bedroom some mornings before her accident and climb into bed with me and just snuggle. I love when she started talking how sweet her voice was, to hear her say some of her favorite words, Pretty, lovie, Birdie, Mama...How could I know how short a time I would get to hear that voice. I love how much she loved everyone.

Kailee just a few days old with my Grandpa Bertoch.

Me with Kailee when she was about a month old....I loved her lips.

Kailee was always wiggling out of her car seat from when she was very small. I would be driving and I would feel a little hand on my arm, turn around to see Kailee out of her car seat. Pull over and put her back in, a few mintues later I would hear a giggle and she was out again. No matter what I did, I couldn't keep her in a car seat.

My Dad with Kailee, Look at her ears...they look just like mine...A family trait, the Bertoch ears

Being fed by Josh, my friend Kim's son

At Kim's house before the accident

At raging Waters with my sister Kate. Kailee LOVED the water

These photo's are from her 1st birthday! She was just always so happy and excited! Look at the excitement on her face. I just love these photo's because it shows her personality

With Cassi at about 1 year old...maybe younger

Kailee ALWAYS had her tongue out....

Me with Kailee a few months before her accident....

Kailee with my cousins daughter and my friends daughter. They are all about 1 month apart.

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Kailee with my brother Keith about 3 weeks before her accident. We were on our way to Lake Powell for a family trip.

Kailee with Cassi and her cousins in Lake Powell about 3 weeks before the accident

In Lake Powell 3 week before her accident. Love her big belly in this.

Kailee Loved Birds and she is loving this one to death! It was so funny to watch her at my friends chicken farm when there were hundreds of them.

This was taken about a week before her accident. She is with my Grandpa Bertoch who was the most wonderful man I have ever known. If you look at his mouth you will see the wrapper that he is playing a game with her. He passed away about 2 months after Kailee's accident so this is truly one of my most cherished photo's.

I Love this photo because I so clearly remember her making this face and those beautiful blue eyes...

These black and white photo's are some of my most cherished photo's as well. My dear friend Mark Kidman called me about a week before Kailee's accident. He is a professional photographer, he said he had some extra time and could I meet him with my girls at a park so that he could take pictures of us just playing. We spent probably 2 hours just playing in the park and running around while he took pictures. He took at least a hundred....I will forever be grateful that he called me and took these photo's of my Kailee. This is one of many small miracles that my heavenly father gave me surrounding this time and Kailee.

On Sept. 30, 1999 my life and Kailee's changed forever as she nearly hung herself on a rope swing and went without oxygen for 10-15 minutes becoming severally handicapped.

Kailee in Primary Children's about 2 weeks after the accident. The cute dog is from my uncle Larry..I still have it on me shelf. At this point she was still on oxygen, She had been on Life support prior to this and I was told she would never live off of life support. I made the decision to take her off and she did live....against all odds.

Here she is off of oxygen and just had her feeding tube put in called a "G" tube....this one only lasted a few months, by the time I finally took her home we figured out that she couldn't have ANYthing on her stomach and had to have a "GJ" tube put in which would put all her food and medicine directly into her intestines.

This is Kailee's first walk in her wheelchair as you can see there is a separate IV pole with wheels on it that we had to push as well. I have Cassi and my Dad taking the walk with me. This was one of the most frustrating hallway walk I have ever taken, I couldn't quite figure all of it out. I got the IV pole stuck in one of the fake trees in the hallway and the wheelchair handles are at Cassi's height and come up to my knees....how in the world did they think I could push this chair. SOOOOO Myself and one of the therapist made a few adjustments to the chair.

We got some PVC pipe and spare handle bars from the basement of PCMC, then we taped her feed pump and IV to the handle bars that were at knee level. You can make anything with Duct tape and PVC piping.

We spent a lot of Halloween's in Primary Children's over the years but this was the first one...Kailee was a pumpkin and her wheelchair was a pumpkin patch.

This is Maddy a little friend we made at the hospital. She just LOVED kailee and would walk down to our room every day to check on her and hang out with me. We painted nails and sang songs together. This is in the therapy room at PCMC.

This is Jeanine Kailee's first Physical Therapist, we LOVE her and have maintained our friendship with her. This is maybe 3 weeks after the accident

This is Kylie, Kailee's first Occupational Therapist again we LOVE her and she is still in out lives. This was the first time they put Kailee into a stander. The stander is for people like Kailee to have weight bearing time on their legs. My mom is in the picture too!

This is Jen, Kailee's first Speech Therapist trying to teach her to feed herself.

These amazing women worked so hard with Kailee for the 3 months that we were in PCMC. Kailee really didn't improve all that much but I am so grateful that these 3 women never gave up on her.

Me, My mom and Maddy in the break room/playroom whatever it is called at PCMC.

Kailee had to wear these braces on her hands for so long....Kailee had severe muscle tone that continued to get worse with every week. The doctors were trying to prevent her from making fists with her hands. They didn't want her hands to get stuck this way because of the sores and dirt...they did end up being stuck in fists...

Kailee could not hold her head up on her own so I was holding it up for her. Also, the bed I am laying on is one that I stole from the hallway. They put this tiny little couch thing in the room that I didn't fit on so one night a nurse and I walked the halls looking for a clean bed. We pushed my couch out there and pushed the bed into Kailee's room so that I could actually sleep. I think because we had been there so long and we would be there even longer the doctors just shook their heads and laughed at me.

This is Kailee's room at PCMC where we spent months so we had to make ourselves at home.

After months of being in PCMC, they sent me home to care for Kailee on my own. I couldn't believe they would let me take her home....I didn't know how to care for her and I couldn't imagine how I was going to do it. I was really scared I was going to kill her. Plus she was on so many med's and had so many therapy and doctor appt.'s. I had Cassi to care for and I was a single mom and I KNEW NOTHING! I was able to move into my parents house, I had to sell my home and quit my job to be able to care for Kailee. Thankfully my parents had room.

Kailee in Therapy after we left the hospital. Different hand braces at this time.

About 9 months after her accident Kailee started to smile again. The doctors said that it was a function of her seizures...but I think it was a tender mercy for me from the lord.



Another Halloween in the hospital

We tried to make Kailee's life as normal as possible and to have her experience everything that our other kids did.

Kailee on her been bag on Christmas morning...

Kailee with the guys that delivered her hot tub she got from make a wish foundation. This was so that we could do her therapy in it.

One of the kids holding Kailee's head up so that we could take a picture of her. I love this photo...it shows her body and the way that it started to twist up with her muscle tone.

The kids and our babysitter would help Kailee to make cards for Joey and I for every holiday and birthday. I cherish these because my other kids made them and took the time to think about what this would mean to me.

I would often come home and find toys on Kailee or sunglasses or other dress up things that my other kids had put on her.

This was Kailee's class at school. She went to the school for the deaf and blind in Ogden in the sever class. Obviously all of the kids were pretty disabled.

Kailee riding a horse...sort of. We wanted her to experience this like the other kids did.

Kailee's bedroom, everything in her room was a gift from someone that loved her or our family. We tried to make it as cheerful as we could for her.

Obviously giving Kailee a bath was a challenge..but Savy still wanted to take them with her. This is Kailee's bath chair. At this point she was almost folded in half because of her muscle tone.

This dog loved Kailee...I think he really liked the milk in her feeding tube. He chewed it out of her belly one time...so irritating because I had to take her to PCMC to get it replaced.

Kailee had the most beautiful hair, Long, thick and curly. About 6 months or so before she passed away, her hair started to fall out in clumps. This was truly one of the saddest times of her life after the accident.

Carrie giving Kailee a haircut, we were hoping that if her hair was short, it wouldn't fall out as quick.

One of Kailee's birthday parties, we were giving her a taste of her b day cake.

About 4 &1/2 years after her accident we found out on a Tuesday that Kailee was going to pass away unless we were willing to put her on life support again and have her hooked to it for the rest of her life. We decided that if she could breathe on her own, we would care for her forever but if she had to be hooked to machines it would be incredibly selfish of us to keep her here. Her Heavenly Father knew when she was needed other places. We let all of our family know that they needed to come and say goodbye to her, a few days later on a Sunday she passed away sweetly and quietly in my arms in her bedroom. It will always be one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. I was surrounded my my family and close friends and my saviour's arms and love.

My sister in Law Anna...she always had a special bond with Kailee...She also now has a daughter Lorilei that looks exactly like Kailee did. So much so that if you show her a picture of Kailee she thinks it is her.

My sister Kate with Kailee the day before she passed away

 

This was 2 days before Kailee passed away and we dressed her up for her last Halloween.

My sister Karrie holding Kailee 2 days before she passed away.

My Mom and Cassi with Kailee minutes before she passed away.

 

Me with all my girls just seconds before Kailee passed away...I am so grateful that she waited for her mama to hold her before she left us.

The next few photo's are from Kailee's funeral. I could not have had it be more perfect. I loved what my friends, family and I did at the church where the viewing and funeral were. We had all of Kailee's things down the hallway, hanging from the ceiling, stacked along the walls and it showed Kailee and who she was to us and our family.

I love this photo because Kailee looked so normal in her casket so much more than she had in years. Her muscles finally relaxed and I love it because her wheelchair and feeding bag are in the photo. This was so much a part of who she was.

I know this is long and there are probably way too many photo's but how do you put your thoughts of your child who is no longer here with us into words. I wish that everyone that knows me could know Kailee.

I am so grateful that she is my daughter, I wish with every fiber of my being that she could be here for her 13th birthday and be going to Farmington Jr High. BUT I KNOW she is where she is supposed to be. I know that my heavenly Father has a plan for me and for her and I am so grateful that I got to experience Kailee and life with her before her accident and after!

I love you angel baby...Love MOM

I was going to put Kailee's video from her funeral on here but I can't figure it out....I will have to have my brother do it for me.