September has always been one of my favorite months if not my favorite...Fall is my favorite time of year.
It gets cooler, It feels like the air changes..Lighter somehow. The leaves change colors. Everything feels prettier. Most days seem just beautiful to me this time of year.
I remember 13 years ago on a day in September outside of where I worked back then leaning on my car, looking up at the trees, breathing deeply and thinking "Oh I LOVE this time of year, The air feels clean".
About an hour later I got the worst phone of my life, telling me about Kailee's having nearly hung.
Since that time, every time the air cools down, and the leaves start changing....I get Sad!
It is amazing to me that I have such an involuntary trigger now with something I love so much.
Every year I think I am not going to be sad this time of year...It never works. As soon as the air and leaves start changing, I go right back to that day. No matter what I try...September makes me sad and reflective!
I have always found it interesting how smells, sights, songs and other things can trigger our memories and take us right back...No matter how long it is has been.
I am grateful for everything I learned and who I became because of going through Kailee's accident, her life afterwards and her death but some times of the year...I really miss her and wonder who she would be today!
It is amazing how certain smells, music, or other things can take us right back to a specific moment in our past. I am sad that you are sad! I am sure it's hard because there probably are lots of triggers for you, and might not even be able to predict when one of them might come, whether it triggers something happy or sad. Sometimes is seems time heals all, and sometimes it seems time heals nothing. All I know about the death of your wonderful Kailee is that I see that it has contributed greatly to the amazing woman you are today. You are so strong and wise and compassionate. And so it's a little like she blesses all of us who are around you everyday because we know you and you make all of our lives better. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI have tried to figure out if there is a specific reason for the extra ache of anniversaries. Every cell in your body just knows. Thank you for being open and sharing. Thinking of you and Kailee.
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